thankfully all the possible discourses about barbie and oppenheimer have already been played out in triplicate so now that the movies are out we can all just never talk about them anymore thanks again for doing that guys
Whenever passing comes up, even people who think it’s a silly ideal tend to focus on the talking point of “people who don’t want to or cannot pass” as to why it’s a bad ideal to hold. I think this framing puts passing in a purely aesthetic or visual light, but I think most people who dislike the term and concept understand it goes beyond this, but don’t always put it into words.
Most people who argue against assimilation and passing are doing so from experience. It’s not a simple moralizing of society’s practices and aesthetics, but how they’ve been burned by a need to pass before. I think one of the first things a lot of trans people notice early on is that the less you surround yourself with trans peers, the more you pass. If you have two friend groups, your queer one and your cis one, you’ll be presumed to be a cis person of your gender a lot more when hanging out with other cissies. If you’re the type of person who is consumed by a need to pass, over time you will necessarily start to leave the trans community in the pursuit of your own personal happiness.
I think a lot of trans women have been on the receiving end of this at some point in their lives. A lot of the times it happens quietly. Sometimes they let you know why, but you pretty much always know. And this is why “choosing not to pass” or whatever isn’t a simple aesthetical choice for me. It’s a choice I make because my girls will always come first. Because I want people to see me and feel less alone, even if we never talk. I want to be the girl that people come up to at shows and say “you’re like me,” and then quietly to themselves, “thank god.”
I will never get over how weird it feels to have tragic and emotional chapters of your life where you just also still go to work, and the grocery store, and see funny videos online all while feeling such paralyzing fear and heartache
